


in the different shades of love

by mm_nani



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Experimental Style, Falling In Love, Javier's POV, M/M, Yuzuru's POV, but i hope i expressed some emotions in an okay fashion, i don't know anything about skating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-03-20 19:49:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13724760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mm_nani/pseuds/mm_nani
Summary: Javier falls in love with YuzuruorJavi wonders if hating Yuzu would be less ugly than wanting him.ANDYuzuru falls in love with JavierorIt’s always Javier and his veiny hands and stubby fingers.





	1. Javier

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flamingosarepink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flamingosarepink/gifts).



> I have had a massive writers block and finally wrote something for a completely new fandom.
> 
> I've known about their love for quite some time now but the olympics moved me to tears and to words.
> 
> This is for dear Avi, whose other fics are stuck under my writer's block.

The first real memory Javi has of Yuzu is Yuzu saying his name when Brian introduces them. 

 

Yuzu struggles to wrap his lips around the syllables, mangles it horridly. Javi would think Yuzu doesn’t really know who he is but for the shiny glint in his eyes, Javi recognizes it as admiration.

 

At that point, Javier had known who Yuzu was, Brian couldn’t stop talking about him. His chest prickled at the thought of Yuzu joining him.

 

Jealousy.

 

It made Javier feel ugly.

 

But maybe.

 

_ Anticipation.  _

 

Like his body had known long before his mind had caught up.

 

*

 

The earliest memory Javier has of falling in love is closing his eyes and hearing the slide of  skate against ice.

 

He’s six, seven, seventeen.

 

And then he’s twenty.

 

He opens his eyes and then it’s Yuzu sliding across the rink, the comforting whoosh of the skate, his legs taught, arms held wide like he’s molding the air to make wind.

 

Javi feels it wash over him, the magic of what Yuzu creates, pulsing from his muscles and released from his fingertips.

 

Yuzu comes to a halt and looks at him, even before Brian. 

 

Javi puts a thumbs up and a smile.

 

Yuzu smiles back.

 

Javi’s stomach churns with his mind catching up.

 

*

 

_ He’s just a boy,  _ Javi thinks.

 

Javi should want to protect him.

 

And he does. 

 

Yuzu finishes his performance and when he walks out of the rink, swaying with the strain on his body, the tiredness of having sustained on pure adrenaline alone for long minutes. Yuzu sees him and lets go because Javi is there to catch him.

 

They stay in that hug until Yuzu can catch his breath, can collect his wits, can come down to reality. Javi likes to be the one grounding him, even when it’s Brian who always congratulates him first. 

 

Javi knows that Yuzu can’t calm down until he’s had Javi’s fingers in his hair, whispering, ‘you were brilliant’ into his neck

 

Javi wants to protect him.

 

But he also wants to have him.

 

In his arms. All to himself.

 

*

 

Javi wonders if hating Yuzu would be less ugly than wanting him.

 

No one would blame him if he did. Everyone is pleasantly surprised that they don’t hate each other, like it’s a wonder, the greatest mystery on this earth.

 

But loving him?

 

What would people say if they knew Javi loved Yuzu?

 

That he desired him.

 

Would they hate him for that?

 

Would Yuzu?

 

*

It’s Yuzu who says it first.

 

At least Javi likes to think he does. They’re eating sandwiches and he must have smeared it onto his face somehow because Yuzu laughs, holds up a tissue. Javi takes it, wipes at his face and Yuzu chews, joy etched into every line, fondness emanating from every twitch of his body. 

 

Javi’s heart races even before Yuzu’s finished swallowing, even before he says, ‘Suki!’ like he’s talking to himself, like he doesn’t expect Javi will know what he’s saying. 

 

Javi crumples the tissue up, it’s a short lunch break, they take these every day, stopping their training due to the limitations of their bodies, it’s need for sustenance.

 

Javi smiles at Yuzu, knocks their shoulders together, heart too full to say it back.

 

*

 

Yuzu kisses him a lot.

 

His hands, his cheeks, blowing them through the air.

 

Yuzu has affection to give in buckets.

 

Javi takes and takes and takes.

 

When Javi finally gives in and bridges the gap between their lips, he thinks it will feel like giving something back.

 

But it oddly feels like taking too.

 

*

 

Javi doesn’t know if he’s afraid of Yuzu or if he’s afraid of himself.

 

Yuzu’s fingers always feel too fragile, too precious clasped in his.

 

But they never move away or let him go. 

 

Be that in the rink or in private when Yuzu pulls him in to give him something Javi can’t yet believe he has.

 

Realizing that Yuzu needs him is the most surreal experience he’s ever had. 

 

Even more than needing Yuzu, even more than being with him, even more than the time Yuzu had called him his boyfriend and blushed for three weeks straight after.

 

But when he injures himself and he’s frantic for weeks, Javi knows that he’s the only one that can soothe him, knows it by the way Yuzu’s heart beats underneath the soft caresses of his fingers.

 

_ It’s ugly to enjoy this,  _ Javi thinks.

 

He wants Yuzu to get better, to skate with him again. But he wants Yuzu to need him.

 

Sometimes just like this.

 

*

 

It’s sinking in even as he’s walking.

 

Meeting Yuzu’s eyes across the room, knowing they’ll be up on the podium together feels oddly like deja vu.

 

Like a prickling in his chest he can’t quite place.

 

Yuzu pulls him in, and it feels like forever as he thinks,  _ it’s over, it’s over, it’s over. _

 

Yuzu finally withdraws, they high five and there’s a glint in Yuzu’s eyes.

 

It’s only just beginning.


	2. Yuzuru

Yuzu always knew that when Brian Orser agreed to coach him, his life would be changed forever.

 

He just didn’t anticipate that the man doing the changing would not be Brian.

 

*

 

Ice skating is cut throat. 

 

It’s something that has been drilled into his head. Despite the hoards of supporters and friendly people he’s met along the way, Yuzu has always been cautioned to be careful of threats lurking in the woodworks. 

 

The higher he climbs the tighter the noose gets.

 

Javier is a foreigner, and at best, at most he’s a rival. 

Yuzu doesn’t know why Javier watches him so closely or why he hangs about when it’s Yuzu’s turn to practice.

 

Yuzu doesn’t trust Javier but there’s something inside him that refuses to be suspicious of him.

 

Javier is nice and his smile always pulls the most genuine reactions from Yuzu as well. And maybe, just maybe Yuzu  _ likes  _ Javier’s gaze on him, tinged with wonder, sometimes jealousy, Yuzu feels unerringly important.

 

He doesn’t know what Javier is doing when he skates back into the ring and holds him by the waist with a soft ‘ _ like this _ ’ as he helps Yuzu shift weight before jumps.

 

Yuzu blushes, wills for the tendrils of suspicion to take over.

 

The noose only loosens. Javier’s breathe across his ears lingers

 

*

 

Sometimes when Yuzu falls towards the end of training and his muscles are trembling with the weight and fatigue of it all, his heart races with the thought of how he’s ever going to get back up.

 

He wonders whether, the ice cold against his butt, will seep through his skin and freeze his bones, the very essence of him.

 

But then he hears the  _ whoosh  _ of skates and fingers cutting through his hazy confidence.

 

It’s always Javier and his veiny hands and stubby fingers.

 

*

 

Love is a simple concept.

 

Yuzu has never struggled with it, has never sat alone wondering what it feels like to be wanted and cherished and valued.

 

His sister had tied the laces of his first pair of skates.

 

His mom threatens to board a flight if he she even suspects he’s skipped a meal.

 

Javier will find him after competitions, without fail, to hug him and tell him he’s brilliant.

 

It’s easy to love and be loved.

 

*

 

They’re a pair now.

 

It’s something that Yuzu realizes long after it’s already happened.

 

Yuzuru and Javier.

 

Javier and Yuzuru.

 

It’s hard to be invited to events without the other. 

 

It’s hard to go through an interview without being asked about the other.

 

Eventually, it becomes hard to conceptualize having to participate in whole competitions without Javier.

 

Whenever he competes without Javier, he waits for the loneliness to overcome him.

 

For his life to feel beautiful but hollow.

 

But it’s hard when his phone beeps and its Javier with a quiet  _ ‘good luck’  _ that rings across the walls of his hotel room.

 

His heart swells and everything pulses with purpose

 

*

 

Desire is slightly harder to grasp.

 

He hates the moments of panic he feels every time he has to say goodbye to Javi.

 

He even hates the feeling of relief of waking up in Toronto, knowing that he can see Javi.

 

He doesn’t know what it means when his head is clouded with doubt and worry that only Javi can pull him back with a hand across his cheek, thumbs at home in the crook of Yuzu’s neck.

 

He doesn’t know what to call it when he’s distracted with the thought of Javier existing and loving and being happy when Yuzu is not around. 

 

Skating has been his strength from when he was young, his only point of focus. He doesn’t know what to do about Javi intruding into the spaces within him reserved for loving the ice.

 

When skating is the reason for his life and Javi is the strength to his skating. He worries about taking and only taking, of wringing Javi dry and nothing can reassure him.

 

*

 

But then Javi kisses him.

 

And the pressure building within flows out across his lips, across the skin of his collarbones pressed into Javi’s fingers.

 

*

 

Being with Javi is the easiest of them all.

 

Sometimes he looks at a mirror and sees Javi there instead. Javi has always felt like an extension of himself. The part of him that leaps and thinks about consequences later, the part that enjoys things, the part that seduces and wants.

 

Perhaps, it’s only fitting that Javi is his greatest rival after all.

 

* 

 

His second Olympic gold was supposedly the end of the road, the start of a simpler life. But he sees Javi, he feels Javi, the joy pulsing around them and even as he’s breaking down against him, Javi is furiously working to put him together.

 

Javi’s exhibition is everything Javi does best, entertain and ease. 

 

And Yuzu is entertained and eased. 

 

The joy permeates through him. And when Javi smirks at him across the ice, a lifetime of promises and teasing the pleasures of the coming night, Yuzu’s body tingles and his heart soars.

 

And Yuzu knows then that with Javi, it’s always the start of a new adventure, be that simpler or harder.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I found Yuzuru's POV in my drafts today and decided to finish it! Hope you like it! I'm [kevin-the-bruyne](https://kevin-the-bruyne.tumblr.com/) on tumblr even though im a football blog mostly please come yell at me about yuzuvier


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